Router forums tall tails

[reible]

I see all those 3 word stories, 5 word stories, well this one is a bit longer. And please keep in mind this is not something to try at home, it is after all a tall tail.

A while ago I decide to give my router a little tune up. You just never seem to have enough power or speed to do the job as quick as you’d like so here was my plan. I took the router apart and took that fan off the shaft I figured less wind resistance was better. Then I cleaned the oil out of the bearing and added Teflon. Then I ground away some of the metal on the rotating shaft to lighten it up a bit.



The next step was to get those rpm’s up, this was a little tricky as we all know here in the US we have 60 cycle power and I figured that was a little limiting so what to do. Then it came to me; I have a stereo test CD with test frequencies. I checked and sure enough they had several ones to try, starting at 100 Hz. The next problem was how was this going to help me?



There it was right in front of me! My stereo has a class H amp and 100 watts per channel. I measured and found that it only gave me 70 volts so at first I thought I was finished, but then I noticed the Bi-amp setting! Now I had all the volts I needed but no way to hook it up. I went to the radio shack store and got some monster wire then stopped at the car parts store and got some jumper cable ends. I cut the cord end off the router and left some room to strip the insulation off the wires then clamped the jumper cable ends on. I hooked the monster speaker wires to the amp and then clipped on the jumper ends on the wires. To be save I used some duct tape to wrap the joints so no wires were exposed.



As I was sitting there with the tape I thought I best protect myself as well and tape up the router in case something flue off. I figured to layer would do it. Now the router was ready, the power was ready and the next phase was testing.



I dropped the router out the window so I could get it into the garage where I wanted to route. I took my remote out side with me and fired up the amp and started the CD on the 100 Hz track. Switched on the router and bang we were really spinning! After a few moments I noticed it was getting hot so I switched it off.



I then took the time to mount the router in a table, as this was how I planned to use it.



I wanted to be safe so I unplugged the stereo and then put a cutter in the router. I got a piece of wood ready and plugged the stereo back in. I fired up the router and zip I had an edge on the wood. I thought if 100 Hz was fast how about 200????? It was even faster but I could smell the duct tape beginning to burn so I shut it down. All this work and still I did not have a working system.



Then it came to me, I need some cool air for the router! I have a freezer in my garage so I hole sawed a hole in it the size of my shop vac. I connected the intake to the freezer and used the blower pointing at the router. As a little hint here you have to crack the freezer door a bit to let some new air in, and don’t have any loose items in the freezer that might get sucked up. This worked well until I got up to 600 Hz where it was getting to hot again.



Then I had a real inspiration, I took all the junk out of the freezer and with a chest freezer the size I have I just put the whole router and table inside. I cut a couple of hole on the ends for the wood to pass though and I was all set.



I did a little math, lets see if the router was doing 22,000 rpms at 60 cycles that would give me about 300,000 rpms. I though this was plenty fast so now for some real testing. The next problem was I could not move the wood past the cutter fast enough, but not being one to give up I attached a bicycle inner tube to the table and made a sort of giant sling shot and fired the boards through.



The whole system seems to be working fine. I guess I was so busy I didn’t notice that my wife went to visit her parents. I think it has something to do with a bunch of complaints I’ve been hearing from the neighbors about those jets flying over at all hours of the night. I personal haven’t heard them, I am always up late routing.

Ed

[denisd]

You didn't mention what kind of bit you used. I might try and build one like yours.

denisd

[reible]

Good point, I didn’t get in to what bits I use. I buy the really cheap ones because they just don’t last very long anyway. I also try to use ¼” bits when ever I can as they snap off easier thus protecting the router in cases where I pull the inner tube back a little to far and the feed rate is just to high. I also added some duct tape to the freezer door to catch the broken bit pieces.

The other thing to think about is how big a bit you can use at 300,000 rpm. A ¾” size is fine and the tip speed is about 669.3734 mph just below the sonic boom stage. If you were to use a 1” bit then well problems begin to happen as the tip speed is 892.4979 mph. As you know a jet flying over would just cause a short “bang” and be gone, not so with the router it is just one big bang.

I should point out a few more safety tips. I always wear a motorcycle helmet and leathers just in case something might go wrong, I feel safer anyway. I also hook a breathing tube up to fresh air, as the dust is really thick after running a few pieces. I also got one of those clip on helmet lights so I can see better. Bye the way you just get covered in dust, head to foot, sometimes as much as a ¼” thick.

I think the sawdust may have saved my life the other day. As I open the garage door a cloud of dust came out, I walked out through the dust and was alerted by a bunch of kids that a alien monster was coming. Since they were look my way I assumed it must be right behind me so I started running. The kids screamed and took off running too. With all the gear on I couldn’t really turn around and look but every time one of the kids did they would yell, “It’s chasing us!” I thought it must be after me so not wanted to endanger the kids I ducked around the back way and quickly got back home and slammed the door shut. I never did see the monster but I’m sure he almost had me and somehow all the dust protected me. Funny thing when I went in the bathroom for my shower I almost thought I saw him in the mirror but by the time I got the helmet off he was gone.

[Julie]

Wow Ed. What have you been smoking?

~Julie~

[reible]

Originally Posted by Julie

Wow Ed. What have you been smoking?

~Julie~

No smoking .... ever, but maybe to much wordworking and not enough woodworking.

Ed

[ejant]

Does the FAA and NASA know about this router.

Do you live close to Area 51

[Soozy]

Hahahahahahahahahahaha, Thanks for the laugh. You should be a writer.

[Dr.Zook]

Hey guys and gals, from reading reibles posts. I honestly believe he as one.

[reible]

I hate to complain but the last couple of months I’ve been having trouble sleeping at night. I use to have that problem some years back before I retired. But then I attributed it to having to lie so much at work that lying down at night and sleeping was difficult.



I met old Doc Phrichord down at the hardware store last month and tried to get some free advice, he is always asking mine about this or that but the old stick in the mud made me come in for an office call. I went in and ask for some sleeping pills. He was not disposed to handing out prescriptions so we sat and talked. He asked how things were going at home and how was the wife, that sort of thing. At the cost of office calls you think we could have talked more about my sleeping problems but no he just kept asking me more and more questions. We must have gone on for 10 minutes before he got to something that interested me.



He asked what sort of things I had been doing since I retired. I stay busy but of late I have been working on a bunch of router projects and I went in to details of a few of them before He got this silly smile on his face. “What?” I ask. He says do you watch that Router Workshop show? I smile back and say, “I sure do!” I’m about to go on when he stops me. A might impolite I’m thinking but he is the doctor and my time must be up so I start to stand up.



He says “ Sit down, I know what your problem is.” “You have “Bob and Rick Envy”.” He goes on “I knew a few minutes ago that it was either that or “Norm Fever”, but it doesn’t matter because the treatment is the same.” I manage to stutter a “What?” but he just keeps going. “You watch these TV guys building things and it looks so easy then you try it and make kindling.” “They have all these nice tools and shops to work in and you struggle to make due in your garage.” “For a while you enjoy the shows and then some place way back in your mind you begin resenting them and PBS for putting them on.” “You may even try not to watch them but it useless, you’re hooked.” “Sooner or later something has to give and with you it was having trouble sleeping.”



I had to admit he might be right. You know that sneaky old Doc wasn’t just jaw’n he had been getting me to open up to him so he could solve my problem, what an old dog. “So Doc, are you going to give me those pills now?” “No, No, I got a much better treatment.”



So he give me this plan, when I get in bed I start thinking about “my shop”, not the one I have but this special one I build in my dreams where I can have every tool I want and don’t have to answer to the wife, I never ever miss cut another piece of wood and I can get all the wood I want for free. Those tricky joints do them selves, the shop never needs cleaning, and the air is always springtime fresh even when cutting walnut.



So the first night I get in bed and picture this clean and bright building that I just put up in the backyard. It only took minutes for it to be done and I worked out where all the outlets were and how the dust collector was going to be located and stated thinking about how I was going to store wood….. Sure enough I fell right off to sleep. The next night I started up where I left off and ordered 100’s of board feet of lumber on an Internet special price of free. I went to Tool world and ordered all those fancy machines, and yes a lot of sanders and routers, and bits and …….. Again I was fast asleep in no time.



The next few nights I finished the shop up by adding a lot of lights, a separate room for applying finishes, some hand tools and lots and lots of storage. I got more and more done, things were really looking shipshape. I added a big door so the trucks bring in all my purchases could drop them off in dock area; I even had people helping me by carrying all the heavy stuff around. I was really catching up on my sleep; the old Doc sure knew has stuff all right.



I started to make things about a week in to the program. All the joints were so easy, and I never had to re-adjust any setting, I was right on just by looking at it. This lasted for about another week, but by then I was having trouble thinking of new things to make…. I noticed it was taking me longer and longer to think of something and thus longer and longer to fall asleep. The next night I miss measured one of my cuts and had to start all over; this took me about a half hour so I was disappointed. The next night the sun that was always shinning in the shop windows was replaced by a cold rain, I then remembered that I forgot to heat the shop. I never did get to do any wood work that night as right after I planned the heating system the roof began to leak, right on my Oak-Park router table, it took a long time to get to sleep that night. The next night I noticed how dusty the shop was so I spent hours cleaning it, final finishing about 2 am.



More and more things needed work in the shop, and the more I did the more that needed doing. I was now staying up to 4 am trying to get it all done. The next night I began thinking this was just too much work and maybe I should sell the shop and go back to how things use to be. I found I was getting a little tired so I just went to sleep with that in mind. The next night I started writing the ad to put on the web. Twenty eight routers, 6 router tables, stroke sander 72” bed….. The next night I did a bit more of the list and then thought the idea place to sell my shop is at the RouterForums. So here it is bedtime and you have the opportunity to own this shop, all the repairs are done, the tools look like new, it is easy to transport and you can have it tonight. Now who wants to start the bidding?

[Dewy]

If the bidding hasn't stopped I propose to offer the flock of sheep that keep jumping over a fence when I a trying to sleep.
After so long suffering with the same affliction there must be 20 million in the flock by now.