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post #2341 of 2345 (permalink) Old 01-05-2017, 10:01 PM
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I only believe that story, because I still believe in Santa........LOL...
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post #2342 of 2345 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 08:00 AM
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James, I received the email from a trusted friend so it must be true!
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post #2343 of 2345 (permalink) Old 01-16-2017, 10:43 PM
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Old men might walk slowly
An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years. He had a dam in the next paddock, fixed up with nice picnic tables, bbq, and some mango and avocado trees.

The dam was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam, as he hadn't been there for a while, to look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked". Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the crocodile."

Moral: Old men might walk slowly but they can still think fast.
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post #2344 of 2345 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 12:12 AM
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Originally Posted by harrysin View Post
Old men might walk slowly
An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years. He had a dam in the next paddock, fixed up with nice picnic tables, bbq, and some mango and avocado trees.

The dam was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam, as he hadn't been there for a while, to look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked". Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the crocodile."

Moral: Old men might walk slowly but they can still think fast.


James
Sydney, Australia
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I don't mind if other members disagree with my comments.
I don't profess to know everything, and I may learn something new.

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."




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post #2345 of 2345 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 11:27 PM
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A nun walks into the Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh, heavy with frustration.

“What troubles you, Sister?” asked the Mother Superior. “I thought this was the day you spent with your family.”

“It was,” sighed the Sister. “And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.”

“I seem to recall that,” the Mother Superior agreed. “So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?”

“Far from it,” snorted the Sister. “In fact, I took the Lord’s name in vain today!”

“Goodness, Sister!” gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. “You must tell me all about it!”

“Well, we were on the fifth tee — and this hole is a monster, Mother — 540 yard par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green … and I hit the drive of my life. The sweetest swing I’ve ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted … and it hits a bird in mid-flight!”

“Oh my!” commiserated the Mother Superior. “How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!”

“No, that wasn’t it,” admitted the Sister. “While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!”

“Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!” sympathized the Mother Superior.

“But I didn’t, Mother!” sobbed the Sister. “And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!”

“So that’s when you cursed,” said the Mother Superior with a knowing smile.

“Nope, that wasn’t it either,” cried the Sister, anguished, “because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!”

The Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said …

“You missed the f— putt, didn’t you?”
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