Joke a Day - Page 3 - Router Forums

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post #21 of 2397 (permalink) Old 03-17-2007, 05:22 PM
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Smile Is He or isn't She That is the question.

OK... post your 1st try scores... if you can...

http://joeschwartz.net/shemale/index.html

edit: I got 13 out of 16.
/edit

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post #22 of 2397 (permalink) Old 03-17-2007, 05:38 PM
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Glad I'm not in the dating scene.. 9 of 16..

.
Never, under any circumstances, combine a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Mike - Retired FoMoCo Tradesman
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post #23 of 2397 (permalink) Old 03-17-2007, 06:01 PM Thread Starter
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O No the 60's all over again,it was hard to tell back then (long hair and all ) and now it's harder to tell with all the make up they have now days . .
Not my cup of tea .....

Bj

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post #24 of 2397 (permalink) Old 03-18-2007, 02:50 PM
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Default Retirement Planning - good advice! :)

Retirement Planning

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago,
it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the
original $1000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than
$5.00 left.

If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock,
you would have $49.00 left

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer
one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the
cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would
have had $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment
advice is to drink heavily and recycle.







It's called the 401-Keg Plan.
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post #25 of 2397 (permalink) Old 03-26-2007, 01:53 PM Thread Starter
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Beer Can Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, a North Georgia Mountain couple decided 11 was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it was expensive.
A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in the North Georgia Mountains), light it, put it in an empty beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The redneck said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1"

"2"

"3"

"4"

"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Kentucky, Mississippi, West Virginia, Arkansas and parts of Missouri.



Bj
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post #26 of 2397 (permalink) Old 03-26-2007, 03:32 PM
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A lady takes a cage bird to the vets. It's lying on the bottom of the cage not moving.
The vet takes one look and pronounces it dead.
"Oh no!" wails the woman. "Not my little Joey! He can't be dead!"
The vet assures her that the bird is deceased but she demands a second opinion.
"OK." says the vet and leaves the room.
After a few seconds the door opens and in walks a labrador dog. It crosses to the cage, sniffs the bird, shakes it's head and walks out. Moments later in walks a cat and does the same thing.
The vet reappears. "Right madam, that will be $300."
"What!" exclaims the woman. "The last time I brought little Joey here it only cost $50!"
"Yes madam, but this time you have to pay for the lab report and cat scan."

Pete
I've cut it twice and it's still too short! But only at one end.
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post #27 of 2397 (permalink) Old 03-31-2007, 02:20 PM
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Default Ghandi

As you all know Ghandi was the man who led India away from colonial rule. He was known to walk everywhere barefoot, this led to his having some rather robust caloses on his feet. Because he had a habit of going on starvation stints to get the current authorities to change the way things were he had become quite frail. When he did eat, his diet was an odd one so, as a result his breath was horible. All these little tidbits combined to make Ghandi a....... are you ready?......

A Super Caloused, Fragile Mystic, Hexed by Halitosis!
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post #28 of 2397 (permalink) Old 04-08-2007, 04:07 PM
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Cool How its done!

How its done!
.................................................. ............................
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C. One is from New Jersey, another from Tennessee and the third, Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The New Jersey contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The New Jersey contractor whispers back, "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

-----------------
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post #29 of 2397 (permalink) Old 04-08-2007, 05:24 PM Thread Starter
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Hey Pop



Here's a good One

A redhead walks into a sports bar around 10:02 p.m. She sits down next to this blonde at the bar and stares up at the TV. The 10:00 o'clock news was on.

The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building, preparing to jump.

The redhead turns to the blonde and says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."


The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

The redhead places a $20 bill on the bar and says, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a
off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 to the redhead and said, "All's fair; here is your money."

The redhead replies, "Honey, I can't take your money;I saw this earlier on the 5:00 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replies, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."


Bj
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post #30 of 2397 (permalink) Old 04-09-2007, 02:16 AM
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Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their
faces. The coroner calls the police to show them what has happened.
A police detective is sent and is taken straight to the first body.
"Englishman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress.
Hence the enormous smile," says the coroner.
The detective is taken to the second dead man.
"Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky.
Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Nothing too unusual here," thinks the detective, and asks to be shown the
last body.
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Irishman, 30, struck
by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the detective.
To which the coroner replies: "Thought he was having his picture taken."
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