Mark

Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

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Mark,
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SandyT

I just got this in my e-mail today for some reason, so I'll share;

Subject: Peel and Win Contest

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's
a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup.
So she peels it off and starts screaming,
"I've won a motorhome!
I've won a motorhome!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible.
The biggest prize is a free lunch."
But the blonde keeps on screaming,
"I've won a motorhome!
I've won a motorhome!"

Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry,
but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won
a motorhome, because we didn't have that as a prize.
The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake.
I've won a motorhome!"

And she hands the ticket to the manager and he reads:


"W I N A B A G E L"

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undefined

Dr.Zook

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a Double-Decker bus for a weekend glambling trip to Las Vegas.

The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time.
When one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs.

She decided to go up and investigate.

When the Brunette reached the top, she forund all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them
with white knuckles.

The Brunette asked, "What the heck is going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!" One of the Blonds looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered......

"YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!"

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Dave
the "Doctor"

In woodworking there is no scrap, only firewood.

Please edit your profile with a name and location so we can better assist you and make for a friendlier forum.

Dr.Zook

Duh!

Attached Thumbnails

 

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Dave
the "Doctor"

In woodworking there is no scrap, only firewood.

Please edit your profile with a name and location so we can better assist you and make for a friendlier forum.

nzgeordie

A blonde moves into a new neighbourhood and being short of cash approaches her new neighbour for any odd jobs he might want doing.
"Yeah,"says the neighbour. "I'll give you a hundred bucks to paint my porch. The paint's in the garage and I'll be in the back yard having a beer when you've finished."

After less than an hour, the blonde comes around the back of the house. "OK. All done give me my hundred."

The guy's naturally doubtful. "You couldn't have painted that porch in less than an hour!"

"Sure did,"says the blonde. Ïn fact I gave it two coats. Oh and by the way, it isn't a porch it's a Chrysler.

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Pete
I've cut it twice and it's still too short! But only at one end.

john bee

you must have met my wife

labric

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look toward sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"

"You dumber than buffalo shit. Someone stole the tent!"


Ric

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Start Safe!!! Finish Safe !!!

nzgeordie

OK. This involves a blonde working with wood.

A bloke's wife meets with a nasty accident involving a road roller. He goes to the local monumental masons to order a grave marker in her favourite wood and the boss tells him he'll get the new girl (a blonde) on to it right away.
Asked if he wants anything more than the name and birth/death dates the feller says he wants the quote, " God she was Thine."

A week later he arrives to collect the marker only to find the inscription reads, " God she was thin." He chews out the blonde telling her she's missed out the 'e' on the inscription. " Don't worry," she tells him. "I'll fix it. Call back tomorrow."

When he turns up next day the blonde's nowhere to be found but the grave marker is waiting for him at the office. The inscription now reads, "Ee God, she was thin."

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Pete
I've cut it twice and it's still too short! But only at one end.

RustyW

Hope I get away with this one,

Three pregnant women are waiting to see thier doctor. The redhead says "I know I'm having a girl because I was on top when we conceived. The brunette says "than I must be having a boy because I was on the bottom. At this point the blonde starts crying. When asked whats wrong she sobbs " I think I'm going to have puppies!

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Rusty

If You Want It Bad, You Get It Bad The Worse You Want It, The Worse You Get It

Dr.Zook

One winter morning a couple was listening to the radio over breakfast. They hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer says, We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. you must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inces of snow today. You must park...."

Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says. "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Norman says.

"Why don't you just leave in the garage this time?"

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Dave
the "Doctor"

In woodworking there is no scrap, only firewood.

Please edit your profile with a name and location so we can better assist you and make for a friendlier forum.