bobj3

We all like a Good Joke now and then. POST ONE


Blondes with Hammers



Carol and Donna were doing some carpentry work on a Habitat for Humanity
house.
Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail
pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.

Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you
throwing those nails away?"

Carol explained,
"When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them
have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away."

Donna got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't
defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

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kenadian

Nothing to do with woodworking but:

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are on the run from the law when they find an old barn to hide out in. The police are close on their tails, so when the women find three sacks, they immediately jump into them. About a minute later, a policeman comes into the barn and sees the suspicious-looking sacks. He kicks the first one.

"Meow," says the redhead.

"It must be a cat," thinks the policeman. He kicks the second sack.

"Woof," says the brunette.

"Must be a dog," thinks the policeman. He kicks the third sack.

"Potatoes," says the blonde.

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Mark

A blonde walked into an electronics store and told the salesman, "I want that T.V."

and she points to the display.

He looks at her and tells her, "I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to sell that to blondes."

So the blonde, all ticked off, walks out of the store.

An hour later, she walks back into the same store with a black wig on. She walks up to the salesman and says, "I want to buy that T.V."

and she points to the display.

He looks at her and said, "I'm sorry, but I already told you we can't sell that to blondes."

So she walks out of the store mad again without a T.V.

A few weeks later she gets a makeover, new hair color and everything, and she walks back into that electronics store. She walks up to the salesman and says, "I want to buy that T.V."

and points to the display.

The salesman shakes his head and tells her, "I told you twice already, I can't sell that to blondes."



The blonde looks at him and says, "How do you know that I'm a blonde?"



He looks at her and states, "Because, that's a microwave."

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Mark

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna" again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too.

The blonde opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife... "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "he makes his own lunch."

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KENNETH KIDWELL

A blond was walking down the road and saw another blond in a field setting in a boat yelling for help.
Puzzled the first blond ask what was wrong.
The second blond said I cant swim.
Mad as could be the first blond said it's stupid blonds like you that give blonds a bad name and if I could swim I would come out there and kick your butt.

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NiceG316

Three blondes went to the mall to go shopping. After they arrive, in true blond fashion, they lock the keys in the car. One blond pipes up, we could through a brick through the window to get back in. Of course, the blond who owns the car said she didn't want it damaged. The third blond suggest calling AAA in blinding scene of common sense, which was soon over-shadowed by the rest saying that it would take too long, and therefore they would proceed to go shopping instead.

After many hours of shopping, they come out of the mall. The blonde owner of the car runs quickly to her car yelling, "Hurry up, the convertible top is down!"

tscott

A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde escape a burning building
by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below,
holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to
the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!"
The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket
away. The Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the Redhead.
"Oh no! You re gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead.
"No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!"
"OK," says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen
yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the
pavement like a pancake.

Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again,
the firemen yell, "Jump! You have to jump!" "No way! You're
just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket
away!" "Look," the Blonde says. "Nothing you say is gonna
convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away!
So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and
back away from it..."

kp91

A {insert hair color here} female was having a rotten day. She had been fired from her job, found her car had been dinged in the parking garage, and spilled grape soda on her shirt at lunch. As she was driving home, she wondered how this day could get any worse. As she pulled into her driveway, she thought something looked strange at her front door. To her horror, she found her door had been kicked in, and all her cherished belongings strewn about her house.

That was the final straw. She broke down in hysterics, sobbing as she called the police. The dispacher was so overwhelmed by the call, she sent someone over right away. The closest available officer was a K-9 unit who was giving a demonstration at the elementary school just a couple of streets over. He quickly left and went to comfort the woman.

The {insert hair color here} woman was still sobbing in the midst of the mess left by the intruder when she heard sirens coming down the street. She ran to the door to meet the officer. As she opened her door, the officer was unloading his K-9 partner from the back, and began heading to her door. As he looked toward the woman, he noticed her head sinking into her hands.

"What is the matter?" he called out. She replied, "It just figures. The worst day of my life. My house is robbed and they send me a blind policeman......."

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1 John 1:9

tscott

Larry, a blond football star, was jogging down the street when he
saw a building on fire. A lady was standing on a third-story ledge
holding her pet cat in her arms.
"Hey lady!" yelled Larry. "Throw me the cat!"
"No!" she cried. "It's too far!"
"I play football, I can catch him!"
The smoke was pouring from the windows, and finally the woman waved
to Larry, kissed her cat goodbye, and tossed it down to the street.
Larry kept his eye on the cat as it came plunging down toward him.
The feline bounced off an awning and Larry ran into the street to
catch it. He jumped six feet into the air and made a spectacular,
one-handed catch. The crowd that had gathered to watch the fire
broke into cheers.
Larry did a little dance, lifted the cat above his head, wiggled
his knees back and forth...
...then spiked the cat into the pavement.

(My apologies to cat lovers..)

Gilbear

Thought I'd throw one in here where the woman gets the upper hand for a change ...

CIA Job Opening for an Assassin

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The first man said.“You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife,”
The agent replied “Then you’re not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I just can’t kill my wife.” The agent replied, “You obviously don’t have what it takes. Get your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn and she was told that she had to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Seconds later shots rang out … one shot after another after another. Then they heard screaming, crashing and banging on the walls.

After several minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, gasping for breath. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks ... I had to beat him to death with the chair.”