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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-10-2009, 03:34 PM Thread Starter
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First Name: Larry
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Default For Cat and dog owners:

The following is posted very low on my refrigerator door:

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate or food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway is not a racetrack designed by NASCAR. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats often curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I go in there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I will exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell a dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO THOSE WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are also adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people, (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't have to wear clothes, (9) don't have to have the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and, (11) if they get pregnant, their children can be sold.

Larry

"Have you hugged your pet today"
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-10-2009, 03:48 PM
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
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I shouldn't have read this while at work.....people are wondering what the heck is so funny. Great stuff!
atgcarving is offline  
post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-10-2009, 04:13 PM
 
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I too would post this on the refrigerator door, but the darn dog always beats me there if I come anywhere near it!

Good humorous read, We can all use some humor now a days. Thanks Larry.
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