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post #1 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-22-2009, 05:56 AM Thread Starter
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Default Joke a day!!

A handsome dude named Bob, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
> He
> sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
> The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering story of a
> man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?'
>Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.'
> The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.'
> Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!'
> Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a
> swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
> The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 toBob,saying,
> 'Fair's fair. Here’s your money.
>Bob replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the5 PM news
> and so I knew he would jump.'
>
The blonde replied, 'I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it
> again.'
>Bob took the money.



A friend is a good egg even if they are slightly cracked!

Derek
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post #2 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-28-2009, 07:18 PM
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CNN.... reports a little 10-year-old girl yesterday was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her.

After following along for a while, the biker turned to her and asks,
"Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"

"NO!" ...said the little girl as she keeps on walking.

The biker again pulled up beside her and asks
"Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."

"NO!" said the little girl as she hurried on down the street.

The biker pulled up beside the little girl again and said,
"Okay kid, my last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks and a Big Bag of Candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride."

Finally....... the little girl stopped, turned toward him and screamed out...
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
"Look Dad" "You're the one who bought the Yamaha instead of the Harley"!
"YOU RIDE IT!"




Dave
the "Doctor"

In woodworking there is no scrap, only firewood.



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post #3 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-29-2009, 03:42 PM
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A city guy was driving thru the country, when passing by a farm, he sees a pig with a wooden leg in the barn yard. He thinks this is a little weird so he pulls into the driveway.

He knocks on the door, the farmer comes out, the city slicker says I was passing by and saw the pig with the wooden leg, what's up with that??

The farmer says let me tell you, that is the smartest pig in the world. One time I was plowing on the side of the hill, the tractor rolled over and trapped me underneath. That pig ran up and rooted around till he got me loose and pulled me out and saved my life.

The city guy says that's great, but what about the wooden leg??

The farmer says then there was the time I was in town, the barn caught on fire. that pig got the barn doors open, let all the animals out, dialed 911 with his snout, saved the farm!

The city guy says that's fantastic, but what about the wooden leg??

The farmer says well a pig that smart, you just don't want to eat him all at once!!

Jesus was a woodworker.
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post #4 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-21-2009, 01:05 PM
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An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blond Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get Burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blond opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a Burritos, and jumped, too.

The blond guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated Burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blond's wife.

The blond's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch!

Gene Howe
Snowflake, AZ

'The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.' G. K. Chesterton

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post #5 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-22-2009, 08:52 AM Thread Starter
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Default not saying

'Viagra' is now available in powder form for your tea.

It doesn't enhance your sexual performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft.



A friend is a good egg even if they are slightly cracked!

Derek
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post #6 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-22-2009, 08:56 AM Thread Starter
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Default The body builder and the blonde

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, 'What a great chest you have!'
He tells her, 'That's 180 lbs. Of dynamite, Baby.'
He takes off his pants and the blonde says, 'What massive calves you have!'
The body builder tells her, 'That's 180 lbs. Of dynamite, Baby.'

He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of
The apartment screaming in fear..
The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her.
He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

Scroll down..
The blonde replies, 'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was !!!!!!



A friend is a good egg even if they are slightly cracked!

Derek
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post #7 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-22-2009, 09:49 AM
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The company boss was complaining in a staff meeting that he wasn't getting any respect. The next day he brought in a small sign that read:
"I'm the Boss!"
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:
"Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
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post #8 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-23-2009, 10:36 AM Thread Starter
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Subject: A POLISH COUPLE.....


A Polish couple were delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end.

The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.

After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"

The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk.

We just want to be able to understand him."



A friend is a good egg even if they are slightly cracked!

Derek
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post #9 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-26-2009, 01:38 AM
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A Cow's Tail

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, 'What happened to YOU?'

'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle.

We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.'

'I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's fanny.

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey , this looks like yours!''

'I don't remember much after that'

Life isn't right, wrong or fair. Life just is.
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post #10 of 20 (permalink) Old 05-02-2009, 12:16 AM
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Default Redneck Smoke Alarm

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Rusty

If You Want It Bad, You Get It Bad The Worse You Want It, The Worse You Get It
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