More like the tall tails but with a different twist…….
I hate to complain but the last couple of months I’ve been having trouble sleeping at night. I use to have that problem some years back before I retired. But then I attributed it to having to lie so much at work that lying down at night and sleeping was difficult.
I met old Doc Phrichord down at the hardware store last month and tried to get some free advice, he is always asking mine about this or that but the old stick in the mud made me come in for an office call. I went in and ask for some sleeping pills. He was not disposed to handing out prescriptions so we sat and talked. He asked how things were going at home and how was the wife, that sort of thing. At the cost of office calls you think we could have talked more about my sleeping problems but no he just kept asking me more and more questions. We must have gone on for 10 minutes before he got to something that interested me.
He asked what sort of things I had been doing since I retired. I stay busy but of late I have been working on a bunch of router projects and I went in to details of a few of them before He got this silly smile on his face. “What?” I ask. He says do you watch that Router Workshop show? I smile back and say, “I sure do!” I’m about to go on when he stops me. A might impolite I’m thinking but he is the doctor and my time must be up so I start to stand up.
He says “ Sit down, I know what your problem is.” “You have “Bob and Rick Envy”.” He goes on “I knew a few minutes ago that it was either that or “Norm Fever”, but it doesn’t matter because the treatment is the same.” I manage to stutter a “What?” but he just keeps going. “You watch these TV guys building things and it looks so easy then you try it and make kindling.” “They have all these nice tools and shops to work in and you struggle to make due in your garage.” “For a while you enjoy the shows and then some place way back in your mind you begin resenting them and PBS for putting them on.” “You may even try not to watch them but it useless, you’re hooked.” “Sooner or later something has to give and with you it was having trouble sleeping.”
I had to admit he might be right. You know that sneaky old Doc wasn’t just jaw’n he had been getting me to open up to him so he could solve my problem, what an old dog. “So Doc, are you going to give me those pills now?” “No, No, I got a much better treatment.”
So he give me this plan, when I get in bed I start thinking about “my shop”, not the one I have but this special one I build in my dreams where I can have every tool I want and don’t have to answer to the wife, I never ever miss cut another piece of wood and I can get all the wood I want for free. Those tricky joints do them selves, the shop never needs cleaning, and the air is always springtime fresh even when cutting walnut.
So the first night I get in bed and picture this clean and bright building that I just put up in the backyard. It only took minutes for it to be done and I worked out where all the outlets were and how the dust collector was going to be located and stated thinking about how I was going to store wood….. Sure enough I fell right off to sleep. The next night I started up where I left off and ordered 100’s of board feet of lumber on an Internet special price of free. I went to Tool world and ordered all those fancy machines, and yes a lot of sanders and routers, and bits and …….. Again I was fast asleep in no time.
The next few nights I finished the shop up by adding a lot of lights, a separate room for applying finishes, some hand tools and lots and lots of storage. I got more and more done, things were really looking shipshape. I added a big door so the trucks bring in all my purchases could drop them off in dock area; I even had people helping me by carrying all the heavy stuff around. I was really catching up on my sleep; the old Doc sure knew has stuff all right.
I started to make things about a week in to the program. All the joints were so easy, and I never had to re-adjust any setting, I was right on just by looking at it. This lasted for about another week, but by then I was having trouble thinking of new things to make…. I noticed it was taking me longer and longer to think of something and thus longer and longer to fall asleep. The next night I miss measured one of my cuts and had to start all over; this took me about a half hour so I was disappointed. The next night the sun that was always shinning in the shop windows was replaced by a cold rain, I then remembered that I forgot to heat the shop. I never did get to do any wood work that night as right after I planned the heating system the roof began to leak, right on my Oak-Park router table, it took a long time to get to sleep that night. The next night I noticed how dusty the shop was so I spent hours cleaning it, final finishing about 2 am.
More and more things needed work in the shop, and the more I did the more that needed doing. I was now staying up to 4 am trying to get it all done. The next night I began thinking this was just too much work and maybe I should sell the shop and go back to how things use to be. I found I was getting a little tired so I just went to sleep with that in mind. The next night I started writing the ad to put on the web. Twenty eight routers, 6 router tables, stroke sander 72” bed….. The next night I did a bit more of the list and then thought the idea place to sell my shop is at the RouterForums. So here it is bedtime and you have the opportunity to own this shop, all the repairs are done, the tools look like new, it is easy to transport and you can have it tonight. Now who wants to start the bidding?