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post #3211 of 3296 (permalink) Old 04-25-2019, 08:55 AM
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A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands.

The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"

All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband - "I love you, Sweetheart."

Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.

Below are 12 hilarious replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love.
Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?

1. Who the hell is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?

4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?

5. I don't understand what you mean.

6. What the hell did you do now?

8 Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need.

9. Am I dreaming?

10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day. (My personal favorite!)

12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?
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Harry



Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend. - Plautus






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post #3212 of 3296 (permalink) Old 04-25-2019, 12:27 PM
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One Monday morning the postman is walking through the neighbourhood on his usual route, delivering the mail.

As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.

His wonder was cut short by David, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.

'Wow David, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,' the Postman comments.

David, in obvious pain, replies 'Actually we had it Saturday night.

This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning.

We had about 15 couples from around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild.

We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing 'WHO AM I?'

The Postman thinks a moment and says, 'How do you play WHO AM I?'

Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the 'family jewels' showing through a hole
in the sheet.

Then the women try to guess who it is..'

The postman laughs and says, 'Sounds like fun, I'm sorry I missed it.'

'Probably a good thing you did,' David responded 'Your name came up 7 times.'
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post #3213 of 3296 (permalink) Old 04-25-2019, 06:30 PM
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ZZzzzzzzziiiiiiinnng!
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post #3214 of 3296 (permalink) Old 04-29-2019, 10:31 AM
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I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.


She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"????

And that, my friend, is the sad definition of "OLD"!
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post #3215 of 3296 (permalink) Old 04-29-2019, 10:33 AM
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An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.


"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed.
"Why Wal-Mart?"??????
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week"
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post #3216 of 3296 (permalink) Old 04-29-2019, 10:34 AM
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THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.
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post #3217 of 3296 (permalink) Old 05-02-2019, 02:35 AM
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Most of you will have heard of Nikola Tesla, one of the worlds greatest inventors but what I didn't know was that he introduced a bill into parliament to ban Ohms law, it didn't get passed because there was too much resistance!!
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Harry



Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend. - Plautus






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post #3218 of 3296 (permalink) Old 05-02-2019, 06:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by harrysin View Post
Most of you will have heard of Nikola Tesla, one of the worlds greatest inventors but what I didn't know was that he introduced a bill into parliament to ban Ohms law, it didn't get passed because there was too much resistance!!
Now Harry you know this one is going to have a limited number of people who get it. Isn't that shocking and hair raising? The path to resistance is futile......
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post #3219 of 3296 (permalink) Old 05-02-2019, 06:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by harrysin View Post
Most of you will have heard of Nikola Tesla, one of the worlds greatest inventors but what I didn't know was that he introduced a bill into parliament to ban Ohms law, it didn't get passed because there was too much resistance!!
Thanks Harry! My family is tired of my Current electrical puns, I am sure they will get a Charge out of this one.
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post #3220 of 3296 (permalink) Old 05-02-2019, 07:02 AM
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@harrysin - I couldn't resist laughing at your joke. Did you know that there is a street in Hamilton, Ontario named Nikola Tesla Boulevard?

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/hamil...vard-1.3672737
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Some folks call me Vince - other folks call me...........
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