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post #3281 of 4335 (permalink) Old 06-01-2019, 06:00 PM
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Originally Posted by JOAT View Post
A computer programmers Plan B is always, Make Plan A work.
Or sell it as an "upgrade" later.....
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post #3282 of 4335 (permalink) Old 06-01-2019, 09:56 PM
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Two Irish buddies, Paddy and Eamon, were getting very drunk at a bar celebrating St. Patrick’s Day when suddenly Paddy throws up all over himself.

'Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!'

Eamon says, 'Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.

Eventually Paddy stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time.

'You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!'

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Paddy says,

"Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jewthink. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got sick on me...he had one too many and he juss koudin hold hizz liquor He said he's was berry sorry an' gave me twenties bucks for the cleaning bill!'

His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, 'But this is forty bucks...'

‘Oh, yeah... I almos' fergot, he crapped in my pants, too.'
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post #3283 of 4335 (permalink) Old 06-04-2019, 07:53 AM
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Originally Posted by sreilly View Post
It's past time for this type of thinking. One of the biggest threats comes from our life support system itself, the Sun. It's not a matter of if but when as to when a large enough solar storm/flare erupts and disrupts everything in its path. Satellites, networks, energy grids, computers......we rely entirely too much on technology without viable simple backups. It happened in the late 1800's taking out the telegraph lines. I mean burning them up, crispy like.
Do you have any relevant information regarding this? Cause, estimated size vs consistent flare intensity today? Interesting.



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post #3284 of 4335 (permalink) Old 06-04-2019, 09:59 AM
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Paul; here's a piece on the general subject...
https://wattsupwiththat.com/2019/05/...-turn-violent/
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post #3285 of 4335 (permalink) Old 06-04-2019, 02:20 PM
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And now back to terrible humor.....


One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world at a depth of about 20 feet. He turned and noticed a guy at the same depth but this guy had on no SCUBA gear!

The diver went below another 20 feet... and the other guy joined him. The diver went below 25 feet more, and once again, the guy joined him.

This confused the diver, so he took out his water-proof board and marker, and wrote, "How are you able to stay under this deep without any equipment?"

The other guy grabbed the board, quickly erased what the diver had written, and wrote,

"I'M DROWNING, YOU IDIOT!"
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Doug
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post #3286 of 4335 (permalink) Old 06-06-2019, 02:39 AM
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A waitress at a diner had an old man come in every day and sit at one of the tables she served. And every day after she handed him a menu, he would read every item on the menu, and then order ham and eggs. This was driving her nuts, so one day when she saw him coming she took her pencil and scratched out ham and eggs on the menu. He came in, sat down, took the menu, and started reading. He finally finished, and ordered ham an eggs. With a large smile on her face, she said, "Sorry sir, but I just scratched what you like". He looked up at her, said, "That's OK, just wash your hands, then bring my ham and eggs".
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"It ain't what you're told, it's what you know." - Granny Weatherwax
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Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
.....Call me a craftsman, artisan, or artistic, and I will accept that. Call me an artist and you will likely get a quite rude comment in return. I am not a @#$%ing artist.
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post #3287 of 4335 (permalink) Old 06-07-2019, 11:57 AM
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A couple is at the airport in Phoenix, Arizona, awaiting their flight dressed in heavy boots, long parka, scarf, mittens, and ready to head home to the Canadian winter.

An older American couple standing nearby is intrigued by their manner of dress. The wife says to her husband, "Look at that couple. I wonder where they're from?"

He replies, "How would I know?"

She answers, "You could go ask them."

He says, "I really don't care. You want to know, you ask them."

So, she walks over to them and asks,” Excuse me. I’m noticing the way you're dressed and wonder where you're from?"

The Canadian farmer replies, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan."

She returns to her husband who asks, "So, where are they from?"

She replies, "I don't know. They don't speak English!"
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post #3288 of 4335 (permalink) Old 06-11-2019, 10:13 AM
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VINCENT VAN GOGH'S FAMILY TREE



His dizzy aunt ----------------------------------------------- Verti Gogh



The brother who ate prunes------------------------------- Gotta Gogh



The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop N Gogh



The grandfather from Yugoslavia ----------------------------- U Gogh



His magician uncle -------------------------------- Where-Diddy Gogh



His Mexican cousin ---------------------------------------- A Mee Gogh



The Mexican cousin's American half-brother ------------ Gring Gogh



The nephew who drove a stage coach --------------- Wells-Far Gogh



The constipated uncle ------------------------------------- Can't Gogh



The ballroom dancing aunt -------------------------------- Tang Gogh



The bird lover uncle -------------------------------------- Flamin Gogh



An aunt who taught positive thinking ------------------ Way-to-Gogh



The little bouncy nephew ----------------------------------- Poe Gogh



A sister who loved disco -------------------------------------- Go Gogh



And his niece who travels the country in an RV ------ Winnie Bay Gogh
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post #3289 of 4335 (permalink) Old 06-12-2019, 03:12 PM
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The Ballroom Dancing Aunt's alcoholic husband, Whisky a Gogh Gogh, and their dog Gogh-Gogh Dancer.
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post #3290 of 4335 (permalink) Old 06-12-2019, 05:30 PM
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Medicare Part G

You are an older senior citizen and you can no longer take care of yourself and need Long Term Care, but the government says there is no Nursing Home care available for you, what do you do?

You may opt for Medicare Part G.

The plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Part G for gun) and one bullet. You may then shoot one worthless politician of either side. This means you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life where you will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the health care you need. Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? Thatís great. Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart? They are all covered! As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now!

And, who is paying for all of this? The same government that just told you they canít afford for you to go into a nursing home. And you will get rid of a useless politician while you are at it. And now, because you are a prisoner, you donít have to pay taxes. Is this a great country or what?

Now that you have solved your senior Long-Term Care problem, enjoy the rest of the week!
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