Joke a Day
How about a good Web joke a day :)
I will start it with this one.
Here's a good one :) ▼
Something all wood workers should practice
I hired a plumber to help me restore an old farmhouse, and after he had just finished a rough first day on the job: a flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric drill quit and his ancient one ton truck refused to start.
While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence. On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands.
When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation.. His face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.
Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier. "Oh,that's my trouble tree," he replied "I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, those troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children... So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home and ask God to take care of them. Then in the morning I pick them up again." "Funny thing is," he smiled," when I come out in the morning to pick 'em up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before."
A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions. He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, what is your occupation?"
I'm a whore," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken back and says, "No, No, No, that won't work. Let's try to rephrase that"
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."
"Chicken Farmer it is..."
:) :) :)
Bloke meets a psychiatrist at a party and asks him how he measures if a person is insane or not.
"Easy."says the trick cyclist. "I fill a bathtub with water and offer them the choice of a teaspoon, a cup or a bucket and ask them to empty the bath."
"I see."says the partygoer. "Of course a sane person would choose the bucket."
"No,"says psych. "A sane person would pull the plug. Now let's see when I can fit you in for a consultation." :D :D
Lost my 710 :) LOL LOL
Yesterday I was having some work done at the car dealer.
A blonde woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
They all looked at each other, and the Mechanic asked,
"What is a seven-hundred-ten ?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the
I lost it and need a new one. It has always been there."
The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her
to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middleof it wrote 710.
He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked,
"Is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course,
it's right there."
Click on the link below to learn the identity of the mysterious 710:
Ha haaaa.... that is a goodin Bob!
Golf's Worst Foursome
GOLF'S WORST FOURSOME
1. MONICA LEWINSKY
2. O.J. SIMPSON
3. TED KENNEDY
4. BILL CLINTON
WHY, YOU ASK?
Well, you're going to love this!
1. MONICA IS A HOOKER
2. O.J. IS A SLICER
3. TED CAN'T DRIVE OVER WATER , AND... .
4. BILL CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH HOLE HE PLAYED LAST
A blonde goes into a library and says,
"Hello. I'm here to see the doctor."
The librarian replies,
"This is a library."
So the blonde lowers her voice and says,
"I'm here to see the doctor."
A woodworker had a neighbor that always borrowed his tools and never returned them, one day frustrated with this he phoned him.
" Could I put my tablesaw and drill press in your garage?" he inquired.
" Sure," his neighbor replied, " But why?"
" Just to have all my tools in one place." he retorted. :rolleyes:
Why men shouldn't take messages
Ever done this before? :p
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