Bob, I too have made many raised panels in red alder ( a semi-hardwood) without having to use severe force to loosen the collet. I'm not trying to tell you anything you likely allready know, but cleaning out the collet each time of bit change is most important. The micro adjuster has a certain order for use and I see someone else has already explained. IF you have no luck replacing your collet wrench, I'm sure any machine shop can make another for you, out of any strength of steel you wish. Good luck with your machine. I hope you will let us know how this works out for you. I swear by my Triton router. It's by far the best I've had to work with.
"Even bad decisions make good stories"