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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-27-2018, 07:23 AM Thread Starter
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Default Not the Colorado River

Hi There Fraternity,

As I sat blissfully on a Sunday sunny morning having a coffee, enjoying the pleasures of being retired in the knowledge that from now on every day is a Sunday and life is so good in that it allows me to indulge in fantasies that conjure up images of messing about in my workshop to my heartís content. But there is always an interruption to these thought processes that interrupts the mind and draws unwilling participants back to reality, with in my case the dulcet tones of my lifelong partner reaching into the recesses of my ears and soul.

I want a garden feature

A gnome I said


Thank god for that

Yes, a gnome with a fishing rod
Why would you want a fishing rod we donít have a ........... my worst nightmare descended on me.

Yes, dear we donít have a pond, but we soon will have. We will go to the garden centre tomorrow.

Iíll go I offered, save you the journey. No, you wonít, you will come back with a bucket.

God Iím doomed.

Ponds are hard labour, just digging and digging and more digging, then after you finally finish digging, you look behind you at the Mount Everest you have created, and as you stand there trying to comprehend how all that earth managed to come from that small hole and you start all over again,

And while you are waiting on the coronary to kick in your good wife is leisurely walking around the grave you have just dug to see the best spot for the frigging fisherman

Why have you stopped she asked? I am 67 years of age. I have pins and needles in one arm, a tightening of the chest and I canít lift my arms above my waist. Iím just standing still until my body figures out whether to continue or take the legs from me.

Thatís all very well dear, but youíre not getting any younger and that hole isnít going to dig itself. Yes dear.

Kill me now.

Right lads as you can see from the enclosed photos this was not my first attempt at trying to induce a coronary, this is my wifeís third attempt.

The first was a Koi pond, which went quite well for a time, but we couldnít keep up with the appetites of the herons in the area, so we filled it in and decided on water rafting instead. Unfortunately, my physics was not up to the challenge and you can see the remains of my pump catchment sump, which emptied before the water flowed back, disaster.

So, our little Oasis became a dry and dusty river bed for about a year, until my good wife decided to invite her friends over for a spot of fishing.
Bought a 150 litre Oase fibre glass Pond, which I hoped would suffice and completely stripped the whole pond area. I painted the waterways with a fibreglass fibre impregnated paint and finished it off with an Oase pebble matt for effect.

Around the top edge of the pond I purchased concrete garden edging which came in two-foot lengths and cut and bevelled them into approx. six-inch pieces and cemented them into place.

I then reinstated all the slate pieces, gluing all the sloping ones to stop them sliding into the rapids, replanted and added some pond plants.

The pond itself is not for fish only aquatic life, so no filters, just oxygenating plants

Last thing I did was re relocate my bird bath, it was originally on a pedestal that required filling up daily, and my visiting birds had no potty training, so quickly got rather mucky. I reinstalled it with a frog I caught in the garden and the birds seem to like it.

Only dilemma was the bridge. Originally built it for the previous heron feeding pond and we, I mean my wife has not decided whether it has to go.

Added one photo from a previous build and post. Decided to create an outside routing and sanding area under the car porch and thatís the first time used, works a treat and the difference in the cleanliness of the workshop is remarkable.

Well lads, thatís it, survived another attempt on my life. You never know whatís coming around the next corner. Speak of the devil, hello dear.

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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-27-2018, 09:36 AM
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You got more energy than I got!!


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I took the tests and retirement is the best job I'm suited for.

Now I know why old guys wear suspenders.
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-27-2018, 09:57 AM
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Very nice! Grab a bottle of baby aspirin and sit back while you wait for the next project.
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-27-2018, 10:08 AM
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I bet you're wishing you'd gone to the garden center alone, and come back with a bucket...
That was a major project, Colin!

...just sayin'.
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-27-2018, 10:27 AM
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I am very fond of ponds, but open water in the desert evaporates rapidly, and comes very dear (most expensive water in the state). So I have a 185 ft long dry stream bed in the way back. Every once in awhile a water line breaks and fills the stream, and voila' a $300 water bill. So I manually water back there and walk round to spot leaks, burst drip hoses, plugged or uncapped water drippers, rabbit bites in hoses, split connectors, blown out connectors, etc. I do have a couple of hoses to add a little more water to green up the trees that shade the bench on the island at the end of the stream. I'm living at the edge of the Mojave Desert, in the town pioneered by Roy Rogers himself, the wild west-sort of, and wide open spaces.
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The more I do, the less I accomplish.

Last edited by DesertRatTom; 06-27-2018 at 10:30 AM.
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-27-2018, 05:13 PM
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I looked at the pics first and thought those rocks around the perimeter would be kinda hard on the knees and arse getting in and out of the hot tub lol .
Then I read
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I donít always insulate , but when I do .
Ok ,I never insulate
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-27-2018, 07:21 PM
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Colin, you're doing it all wrong.
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"It ain't what you're told, it's what you know." - Granny Weatherwax
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Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
.....Call me a craftsman, artisan, or artistic, and I will accept that. Call me an artist and you will likely get a quite rude comment in return. I am not a @#$%ing artist.
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-28-2018, 10:01 AM
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I don't see the gnome. Maybe you could sneak one in.
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-28-2018, 10:10 AM
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Gnomus Gnomus Plasticus - quite rare. Much sought after , of course, but really quite rare.
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Been at sea most of my life and still all at sea now.

Sometimes I sits and thinks and sometimes I just sits .

(M Twain)
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-28-2018, 11:28 AM
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An excellent project with a great lead in. Reminds me of how my pond got built, except it was my Brother-in-law's idea after an afternoon of sipping a few cold adult beverages.

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