Spicing up my married life

How to spice up your married life

Its finished, I shouted proudly, what’s finished came her reply. Your spice rack, the one you made me make as soon as I stepped off the plane from Texas. Oh, that one, let’s see it then.
Now a little history lesson for those of the fraternity that are not familiar with the goings on in my household.

My good wife and myself live harmoniously, in that I do everything I’m told and in return I get fed, clothes washed and ironed and a 65-inch tv in my man cave. So, all things considered I don’t really mind being a kept man. Occasionally I get to choose something to record on Sky (Infinity) as a treat. And very occasionally I get to wear the trousers.

Now you have some idea of domesticated bliss in most retired Scottish households.

Now while in Houston I had made a Spice rack for My son’s wife Clare and she seemed delighted with it. I made it from Poplar and it was my first time with this particular wood a delight to use. I just stained it teak to match the rest of the kitchen cabinets.

My biggest problem was lack of decent tools and machinery and as you can see my work bench leaves a lot to be desired, but a neighbour gave me a loan of his Dewalt Site saw which made life ever so much easier and I am very grateful to him.

At this point we were both standing in the kitchen examining my latest efforts. The new rack was now full of small jars with stuff in them and she was looking intently at them.

All I could hear was hmmmmm and hmmmmm. Not a good sign I thought.

Let’s try it out she said. Perplexed I asked how do you try out a rack. That’s easy she returned. We will choose a spice and try to find it. No problem I came back with Easy Peesie.

Ok you choose a spice first she asked. Ok I answered with a feeling that she was going fishing and I was the bottom dweller.

Now at this point the only one I knew was Old Spice, an after shave I used to use with abandon in my early years, and I couldn’t see it on the rack. What’s wrong she enquired, cat got your tongue. No, I’m deciding on a difficult one, Truth be told not a clue, ok she said at last, let me choose one for you.

Well ok I said Find the Paprika. I approached the rack and started at the top gently lifting each jar to read the label. What are you doing she asked? I’m looking for the red stuff. Why are you lifting each one out she enquired? Because I can’t read the labels. Oh, is that so, came the reply. Why is that?
And there was the burn. In order to keep the jars in place I had installed a 25mm wide strip of wood across the front of every shelf. As the realisation of my blunder hit home, I now understood the hmmmmm’s. I had covered up all the labels, and my good wife decided to let me fumble my way to enlightenment.

Its obvious you have never cooked anything in your life, or you would have taken this into account. I have so cooked something once I replied and comments like that are grounds for divorce. Are they she said delightedly? I will let it pass this time I said, realising I would starve to death.

So if you look at the last photo I carefully took my trim router and with 9mm straight bit I cut slots along all the retaining straps, and the labels are now visible, school boy error, not ideal but better than tearing it apart as it was all glued to death.

As far as the actual fitting went, I just cut 50mm off the actual cabinet shelves width so as to retain them and moved the bottom shelve up one notch to avoid the wider bottom rack shelve. I also added another European hinge to both doors, just in case.

So that’s it definitely no more spice in my life

Its my treat for the spice Rack. My favorite Sausage Rolls. She also does other Scottish Delicacies such as Forfar Bridies and steak and Mince pies, healthy eating I think not, but I cant help myself. As my uncle used to say,better to be fat and happy than thin and miserable, and boy he must have been really happy.

Colin
Scotland